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My lovely lady,

So often in our lives we hear our friends say about their new crush “We are just PERFECT together!” with all of the gushing blindness their hormone-saturated brain can muster.  We accept this hyperbole, but deep in our hearts we know it isn’t true, or do we?

I must admit, I have been guilty of looking for a perfect relationship.  My other-piece-of-the-puzzle, my help-meet, the one God himself foreordained for me to marry, the one who completes me.  I repent.  You hear that God? You got me through Keller again!  “You always marry the wrong person,” he says in The Meaning of Marriage, and he is right.  If we understand that we were born already corrupted by the entropy of this world, and the process of sanctification will not be complete until the resurrection, how can we truly expect any other poor sinner to be a “perfect” compliment to us?

But even if we stop looking for “the perfect person,” we still want “the perfect relationship”.  How silly!  Two imperfect people become perfect by getting to know each other’s most irritating spots?  It’s disastrous to have those perfect expectations.  Yet we do this.  I do this.  I want not a perfect woman, but a “perfect compliment” to my imperfection.  I want to do things the “right way,” and progress at the “right pace,” with the “right person.”  In my heart, I still hold on to these things, and today I want to repent to you and God of my idolatry.  Perfection is found in Christ alone, and to search for it in one of his creation (close though you may seem), is insulting to him.  I repent of expecting a human romance to progress perfectly.  I repent of being a more strict judge than Jesus, and the breaking of the boundaries we set up more powerful than his redemptive blood.

If we continue with this romance, we will mess up.  You see, I know I will, and I take it as a point of doctrine that you, as a mortal human, will as well.  However, I don’t want a relationship dominated by the idea of perfection and my fear of not living up.  I want a relationship dominated by perfect grace that covers everything we do (or omit).  Can we commit to repenting and allowing grace to invade every aspect of our lives?  It is what we are called to do as Christians, why should our romance be held to a higher standard?  I want you and me, humble and broken before God, all of our wounds, baggage, shortcomings, and sins.  I expect everything we do to fall short of perfection, and I am OK with that.  I do not dedicate to try my best, to never do this, or to always do that; those are promises I won’t keep.  I only promise that I will repent to God and allow his unending river of grace to buoy everything we do, and I will do that imperfectly as well.

If you can accept that, why shouldn’t we proceed, imperfectly?  Let’s do things the wrong way, for we can’t do anything right.  Let’s not ignore common sense, but not be so legalistic as to live in a relationship that fears messing up until it implodes.  When we mess up, each time we will repent.  I would be rather honored if you would trust me enough to make mistakes with me.  Big ones.  Jesus and I will forgive you.  Let’s move forward.

Imperfectly Yours,

A Christian Guy

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