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My Convicted Companion,

You have sinned, and it grieves my heart.  As your boyfriend, I unfairly must bear some of the consequences of your sin, and that pains me.  I don’t deserve to reap what I have not sown, but life and love are not fair.  To be perfectly honest, I don’t want them to be fair.

A married friend of mine was imparting what he claimed was the only bit of truth about relationships he learned from Wheaton College.  He said that the saying “All is fair in love and war” is absolutely false, and the actual truth is that nothing is fair in love.  There will never be justice in any relationship we ever have.

I agree with him.  There is no justice in love.  We don’t get the pain we have earned, it lands on others.  However, this is fabulous news, and one way that the essence of the gospel lives out in our lives.  Why you ask?  Because I don’t want what I deserve, I want what I don’t deserve.

I am a sinner, and have been sowing the seeds of selfish weeds that would choke out every godly relationship I ever start since I was born.  In past romance, I have wounded and hurt, leaving the girl to deal with the repercussions of my folly and carelessness.    I “deserve” a terrible relationship, or none at all.

On the flip-side, I have been abandoned by girls and left with messes that were not my creation, and have helped rehabilitate hearts that I did not wound.  You are no exception to this.  It isn’t fair that so many people have stepped on your heart and I am left to gather up the pieces!

But I don’t want what is fair.  I don’t want what I deserve.  And because I have let go of the justice of the matter and allowed the Good Judge Jesus to mete out burdens and grace, I have hope.  I have hope that my Good Father will give me the gift of a relationship I don’t deserve, that Jesus blood will cover over some weeds that we both should reap, and that he will sustain me as I carry what others have dropped.

You see, I can’t have it both ways.  If I demand God be fair in not making me deal with your past that I didn’t cause, I can’t ask him to be unfair by giving me a relationship better than the one I deserve.  And I don’t deserve you.

As a Christian, I want to live a life free from enslavement to sin and the law.  I want to live in the wide open country of grace, and in those green pastures you and I can walk unencumbered by demands for selfish justice and the bitterness of unforgiven hurts.  Yes, it will be unfair, but our Daddy loves us and I trust him.  Because of the faith he has given me, I can forgive you and joyfully be with you even in the midst of your sin and consequences.  Would you kindly extend the same trusting grace to me?  If we can live together in that freedom, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

A Student of Your Grace and Beauty,

A Christian Guy

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