My Fabulous Fiancee,
I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I know that our wedding will be beautiful, and you will look radiant, and I will be the luckiest guy in the world.
However, I have a few… recommendations as you and your girls plan this special day:
- We need dancing at the reception. I am sorry you have a Nazerene-Primitive-Baptist uncle who believes that playing cards, going to the cinema, and dancing are a one-way ticket to the brimstone, but we need to dance. I love dancing, it gives us an excuse to take a ballroom class, and it makes the reception so much more of a raucous party. If Uncle Ebeneezer wants to skip the reception, that’s fine, but this is our party and we will dance if we want to.
- We need a bar at the reception. My groomsmen need to dance with your bridesmaids. However, most of my boys are white. Not the “cool white” either, I majored in the sciences and they are the “socially-uncomfortable-nerd white.” We will need to get them at LEAST tipsy to allow the mixing and meeting to happen at an appropriate level. If Aunt Martha has a problem, tell her to keep it to herself. Speaking of Aunt Martha…
- There should be a dress code, and ankle-length skirts aren’t required. If someone wants to wear a short skirt, that’s her prerogative You can decide now how many fingers mini it can be for your bridesmaids, but I do want to invite our pagan friends to this, and many of them don’t OWN an ankle-length skirt. Tell Aunt Martha that she is perfectly welcome to skip the reception. She doesn’t even need to get us a gift.
- You get intro music to come down the aisle, awesome. Can I get the theme to Indiana Jones, Pirates of the Caribbean, or “Sexy and I Know It” for me and my boys to strut in to? In the name of gender equality? Maybe?
- If your mother is going to cry, or cause you to cry, can we not let her help plan? The same can go for mine.
- I would be happy marrying you in a backyard, so don’t think that you have to spend a bazillion dollars. Also, we could throw a KICKIN’ bbq buffet/ dance rave reception that everyone would talk about for years to come.
- I love you. Regardless of the wedding.
Love and kisses and anticipation,
A Christian Fiance